I grieved two narcissists at once. The man I thought was the love of my life, and the mother I called on the worst day of my life, who ended up needing me to comfort her.
More on that below. First, here’s what nobody told you about this kind of grief:
How to grieve a person who abused you
Nobody said "I'm so sorry for your loss." Because the person you're grieving is still alive, and everyone around you is relieved they're out of your life.
So you grieve alone and in indescribable ways.
You miss them and you hate that you miss them.
You replay the good moments, the anniversary, the morning she brushed your hair, the text that made you feel like the most loved person in the world, and a voice says: see, it wasn't all bad.
Then you remember what they did and the pain.
You've been going back and forth like that for months. Maybe years.
And every time you try to let go, the guilt shows up. On his birthday. Before the holiday season. When her text arrives like nothing happened. The thought that maybe you're the cruel one or this time is different.
Here's what nobody told you: You're not grieving them. You're grieving the idea of them, and the love you gave. The version of you who kept hoping. The parent you deserved and never had. The future you built on empty promises.
That grief is real. It's important to feel and move through.
You're not bad at this.
You're not behind.
You're trying to grieve something that's impossible to grieve on your own. That's what this class is for.
→ YES, SAVE MY FREE SEATIn 90 minutes you’ll finally see why letting go has felt impossible
→ YES, SAVE MY FREE SEAT
This class is for you if:
You still miss someone who is narcissistic, and you've never said that out loud because of how it sounds
People keep telling you "but it's your mother" or "you've dodged a bullet" and you've stopped trying to explain.
It's a partner, a parent, a sibling, a boss, or a friend. Grief happens in all of those dynamics.
You still second guess yourself on their birthday while your heart aches.
This class is not for you if:
You're still in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic partner and deciding whether to stay. This class is for the woman who is already out, or who is navigating a parent, sibling, or friend she can't simply leave.
You're looking for a lecture on how-to go no contact with a narcissist. That's not today.
You're experiencing domestic abuse right now. Please use the resources at the bottom of this page first. This class is not your first step.
Grief is not linear, often doesn't make sense, but will be moved through with the right tools and in the right environment.
SAVE YOUR SEAT FOR WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11
11:00 AM Pacific · 2:00 PM Eastern · 8:00 PM CET· Free · Live on Zoom · Replay available for 7 days
Your registration is completely private. You'll get your confirmation and Zoom link right away, a few reminders before class, and the replay the day after, which stays up for 7 days. You can leave the list anytime with one click.
Who's teaching this
I’m Steffi. I’ve been a somatic coach for over 15 years, and I help women heal after narcissistic abuse.
I’ve grieved the two narcissists I loved most. At the same time.
The first was the man I thought was the love of my life. When I finally got out, I was in pieces, the kind where you don’t know how to make a cup of tea. So I did what I’ve always done.
I called my mom.
By the end of that call, on the worst day of my life, she was the one who was upset and I was the one comforting her.
That was the moment I saw it. What I’d been calling love my whole life was something else. And it was the reason he had felt like home from day one.
How do you grieve that? She’s alive. He’s alive. There’s no funeral. And when you try to talk about it, people say “but she’s your mother.”
Looking back, every one of them followed the same six patterns. I’ll show you one in the class, so you can see it in your own story.
And I’ll show you how I got here: lighter, more joyful, more in love with life than I’ve ever been. Still grieving, and free. It’s the shorter path I wish someone had shown me.
I'm not a therapist and this isn't therapy. I'm a somatic coach who lived this, and I built this class for the woman who is grieving this really hard thing you only understand if you lived it.
From women who've done this work with Steffi
"This is the only thing that helped me release the guilt. Thank you
❤️ "
— Liv, joined the Masterclass
"I feel like you were telling my story. You have already made a difference in my life."
— Nicole, joined the Masterclass
" This gave me the reassurance that it is not in your head."
— Emma, took the Not Your Fault. Not Your Future Course.
"I want to hug all of you. I don't feel so alone now ❤️."
— Kathryn, joined the masterclass
"You are such a gifted and skilled facilitator. We all felt so safe to go all in."
— Julia, joined the masterclass
Wednesday, November 11, 2026.
11:00 AM Pacific, 2:00 PM Eastern, 8:00 PM CET. Live on Zoom. Free.
You’ve carried this grief alone for long enough, replaying the good moments, apologizing to yourself for missing them, going back and forth on every birthday.
90 minutes, one room of women who get it, and one somatic practice that lets your body set it down.
Can’t make it live? Register anyway and the replay is in your inbox the next morning.
This masterclass is education, not therapy, and it is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you are in physical danger right now, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, available 24/7.
